Note: This post is not intended to recommend, endorse and / or prescribe porn as a learning and / or teaching tool for the purpose of sex and / or sexuality education. You should only watch porn for pleasure’s sake, and maybe learn a few new ‘kama sutra’ positions at the same time, nothing more. [link]
For those of you who’ve never watched porn before, here are the 31 most important things that porn teaches you!
For those of you who watch porn regularly (you know who you are 😛 ), I’m sure you’ll recognize a reason or two to laugh along!
- Women wear high heels to bed.
- Men are never impotent.
- When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
- If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
- Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with their muck.
- Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
- Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
- Women always orgasm when men do.
- A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
- All women are noisy fucks.
- People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
- Those tits are real.
- A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
- Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
- If there are two of them, they “high five” each other (and the girl isn’t disgusted).
- Double penetration makes women smile.
- Asian men don’t exist.
- If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
- There is a plot.
- When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
- Nurses suck their patients’ cocks.
- Men always pull out.
- When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
- Women never have headaches … or periods.
- When a woman is sucking cock, it’s important for the guy to remind her to “suck it.”
- Assholes are clean.
- A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
- Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock in there.
- Men don’t have to beg.
- When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.
- Pigtails = handlebars.
As an endnote, a more serious top ten list of sex myths can be found here [link]. 🙂