Quickie: Finished the latest Borderlands expansion, The Secret Armory of General Knoxx [official website]! May post a quick review up here someday soon.
Keane [link] recently put up an article on his blog asking five questions about guys and girls. Not about what they should do before sex, but about more simple matters, about building and retaining relationships, about behaving around each other, and about being there for one another as a couple.
I wanted to comment on Keane’s post [link] in response, but it turned out to be really long.. So I put it up here on my blog instead. Read on to see what I think!
1. How is a guy supposed to treat his girlfriend the right way?
You need to make her feel special. She’s your girlfriend for a reason, she’s the person you agreed to care for and give affection to more than any other person on the planet (except maybe your parents).
Call her at random times of the day just to say you miss her. She may chide you for being silly, but know that deep down in her heart she secretly loves that you called.
Give her flowers or gifts to celebrate your relationship. Don’t give ’em on anniversaries / birthdays / Valentine’s alone, that’s cliched. Send them to her when she least expects it.
Wish her good morning and good night every day. Make her waking up / going to sleep special by reminding her of the bond you both share, or by reliving fond memories of times spent together.
2. What is “the right attitude” that makes a girl fall for a guy, regardless of his looks?
The right attitude? As much as most people’d like to say “be yourself” to this one, I think it ultimately boils down to four more specific attitudes:
You have a sense of humor. You’re able to see the funny side of things, and you’re always positive about circumstances. She can poke fun at you and you’re more than happy to laugh along too.
You show her you care. You ask her about her day, rant about the stupid idiot who crossed her on the way to work, and empathize with her worry or sadness. You remind her that you are reliable and dependent and she can trust you.
You’re interested in her as a human being. You listen to what she’s saying, and ask questions to find out more about her. You know what she’s talking about, and even if you don’t, you’re eager to learn more from her.
You are comfortable being you. You are not overly bothered that you’re too fat or too skinny or too un-handsome. You enjoy the company of your friends without jealously comparing traits and/or possessions. You are at ease with who you are now.
3. When do the words “I love you” – spoken by the guy – cease to mean anything to his girl?
This is a trick question. For a couple that’s truly in love, the words “I love you” will never cease to mean anything to either half.
No matter how many billion times you tell her these three words, it should be as full of meaning and significance to the both of you as the first time you said those words to her.
It’s when you start taking each other for granted – when saying “I love you” becomes a formality, just another chore you do mindlessly every day for the sake of doing it – that the magic of this eternal phrase disappears.
Remember every time you tell her “I love you”, you mean it!
4. What is the right way to comfort you while you are down/sad/stressed/PMS-ing?
Not knowing the right way to comfort your girlfriend when she’s down can be quite destructive for a relationship.
If you’re not sure if it’s okay to comfort her at a particular time, press her gently for an explanation. Ask her what’s wrong, and that she can talk to you about her problems. If she’s being evasive even after multiple tries, it’s safe to say that you should try again later.
The key word here is to press gently. Don’t lose your temper with her even if she keeps avoiding your questions. You must show that you mean well and be patient with her. She will open up to you when she is ready, believe me.
Above all, always assure her that you are there for her when she needs you. Remind her that whatever difficulties she may be having, the both of you can work through them together as a couple.
I know the idea sounds incredibly idealistic and simple-minded, but it’s true. When you assure her you’re there for her, it strengthens her resolve and comforts her.
It’s natural for us as human beings to be insecure, so the least we can do is to provide a promise of security by being loving, more so to your girlfriend.
5. Girls are said to favor indirectness and prefer to drop subtle hints. What kind of hints are we talking about, and what do they mean?
This is one of those differences between genders that led to books like “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” being written and becoming bestsellers all over the world.
I think this is something you eventually get used to as a boyfriend. Not all girls favor indirectness, and those that do are usually never too subtle about their needs to the point of confusion.
For starters: pay attention to not just the words coming out from her lips, but her body language. Does she say nothing’s wrong when she looks all depressed and worrisome? When she smiles do her eyes reflect her happiness or do they conceal hidden emotions? Her body language will usually provide clues as to her intentions.
If you are the type of guy that is painfully unobservant to the point of blindness, then do patiently try to ask your girlfriend to tell you what she really wants. Sometimes this simple tactic works wonders in demystifying the hidden needs and wants your girlfriend didn’t directly ask you.
Again, patience is of the utmost importance when dealing with a girl on this matter. Never, ever lose your patience when you can’t get what she really wants. Things usually go quickly downhill from there.
Most importantly, the couple should always have an understanding to be honest with each other and are able to talk openly about their own needs and wants.
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What are your own answers to Keane’s questions above? Do leave your thoughts in the comments section below. 🙂