I Thought You’d Like to Know..

"It's what I've always wanted to tell you, but didn't know how."

Photo by Marina(im.back) // Flickr Creative Commons

Though this may come as no shock to some of you, I enjoy being a ladies’ man. I’ve been told before that I’m a shameless flirt, though happily no one’s ever said to stop doing it.

There’s a delicate balance to it, though. It’s easier than you think to come across as being false and pretentious. Of course, there’s also the problem of being too honest.

If you’re anything like me, there are more than a few girls in your circle of friends I would consider fuckable (fuckworthy?). But would girls find it flattering to know that someone thought about them that way, or would they answer the question with a swift kick to the testicles?

As fun as it might seem for you to read about me conducting a potentially painful experiment that involves getting ball-whacked and/or fucked repeatedly, I opted for the easier way out and posted the question to some of my gal pals (and possibly my entire collection of Facebook friends):

Girls, honest opinion needed: guy you’ve known for awhile tells you you’re a girl he would want to fuck, would you be offended?

The set of answers I’ve received so far is a mixed bag.

A gal pal was cool with my ‘interesting question’ but was quick to add a disclaimer to her response:

“If the guy is hot then I say why not! No reason to be offended. Then again, if the guy wasn’t that hot, I would just reply ‘Oh, is it?’- I’d be a little disappointed that it wasn’t a hot guy who approached me. To me, they’re just asking, and it shows that you’re sexy or you arouse them, though some girls will be offended.”

Others too were vocal about how cool they were with it:

“Nopes. I’m super fuckable – how awesome is that? Haha. On second thought though, I think I phrased that wrong: I am “fuckworthy.” Guys WOULD wanna tap this, but I ain’t easy nor am I sleazy.”

“LOL, sounds like a friend of mine. I don’t feel offended because 1) I love him to bits 2) he’s pretty hot 3) it’s flattering. If it wasn’t him though, then it would be a little creepy. My friend tells it to my face so it’s cool.”

“Nope, I wouldn’t be offended, as long as it’s meant as a compliment and not a request to actually fuck.”

“Depends on the girl. If the girl is open minded like me, I’d feel flattered that my friend finds me sexually attractive – in other words, fuckable. Haha! But if the girl is the conservative type, she might just slap you with a sexual harassment charge!”

“I think I would be grossed out at first but I will feel flattered, a little. LOL.”

“I don’t think I would be offended I guess. I’m an open-minded girl!”

As you’d expect, not every girl is open to this line of questioning, as some gals explain:

“Yeah, kinda I guess – I’d be offended. How about some more effort: if you really want to fuck her, then you’ve got to win her over, not just say it. But if you’re joking that’s something else, though it’s still offensive.”

“Um, I don’t know. Maybe a bit, it makes me think that I’m easy to him. Even if by ‘known for awhile’, you mean ‘more than one year’, I’d say 70% offended, 30% flattered.”

“Well, it depends. I won’t feel offended if that guy is who I want to be with, and I will if he’s not.”

“In Malaysia, yes. Anywhere else, probably not.” (Author’s note: I didn’t manage to get her to tell me why the beef with Malaysian guys.)

“That is just stupid. Of course I’d be offended. I’m not a whore, plus it would be scary for a guy to say that. It means he thinks just that about the girl. Who knows if he might rape her later? I would think he didn’t respect me much as a woman, unless the gal and the guy are flirting with each other, then okay-lah.”

“Even if I’d known him for one year, it still sounds quick. I think I’ll take no offense by just discarding the remark.”

“I think I’d beat him up – to death! Hoho.”

And, on an unrelated note, one of my favorite responses so far:

“I just realized I didn’t reply your text yesterday. Was busy. Are you asking someone for a fuck? Haha.”

In other words, yes, I am asking someone for a fuck, and yes, the impromptu survey results do pretty much confirm our suspicions all this while that Malaysian girls are mostly adverse to being told they’re fuckable. To conclude, there are only two absolute conditions that pretty much guaran-fucking-tee that whichever girl you’re talking to won’t shaft you the wrong way:

  1. She thinks you’re fucking hot, or;
  2. She thinks that fucking you would be hot.

So remember, gentlemen: even if you think you know the girl damn well, it’s a safer bet to not tell her that she’s the kind of girl you’d want to fuck.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I see a girl I’d like to fuck.

* * * * *

P.S. But what if you have this irresistable urge to pounce on and fuck her? A guy friend offered an interesting insight: “It helps to move fast, if you’re going to fuck her do it before you turn into a ‘friend’.”

Guys, does that really help? Girls, what do you think?

About Jared

I am all the awesomesauce you could ever want in a handsome, neat package, and you know it.
This entry was posted in Humour, Sex. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I Thought You’d Like to Know..

  1. Brian says:

    Well, I don’t think I could ever go in front of a girl and tell her “You’re the kind of girl I would like to fuck”. But interesting article.Guess I know a little more about what girls think. You ask the questions we ( or maybe just me? (> .<)''' ) guys never dare to ask . You're awesome dude.😛

  2. sayang nana says:

    LOL~~ you always make the darnest post!!!

    honestly for me, FLATTERED!!! ahahaha~
    but after that I will be scary to be near him,honest!

  3. Pingback: When a guy asks you this. « BURP.

  4. ken says:

    haha.. pretty interesting..
    but as always, there are 2 sides to everything – some love it, some doesnt..

    well, i’d prefer a girl that is reserved😉

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